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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in maryvsmith's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, June 9th, 2013
11:53 am
Just wanting to say hello. Hello.
Monday, August 27th, 2012
5:08 pm
Braiding again like a maniac. SO many braids, so little time... :)

I mainly wanted to post this in order to share a silly tee shirt that we saw the other day. A man was wearing it, going out of the grocery:

I'm right 98% of the time.....
WHO CARES ABOUT THE OTHER 3% ?????

That is still giving me chuckles.
Saturday, August 25th, 2012
8:44 pm
Niel Armstrong
Neil Armastrong died today at age 82.

He was a huge hero for many people, including my husband. One time, PAt actually accidentally got to meet him.

You see, he overshot his destination to a friend's house, and was turning around when he realised he had a flat. The owner of the house there had been outside mowing his lawn, and came over to see what was up. they got to talking for a while.

When Pat got yo our friend's house, *that* is when he ngot told who it was he had been chatting with ;)

It's one of Pat's really treasured memories.

The very... concept of going so far out of what most humankind has ever experienced before, and all it had to have taken for *all* astronauts to do us the service they have.... I am in awe.

Public post
Friday, August 17th, 2012
2:51 am
Ok, so my mind is a strange place to be in right now.

And of course, book stores are *always* dangerous......

I went to the new age section, andwas looking over the tarot card collection. One just... I had to laugh. It's a bit over the top even for me. the zombie tarot!


We need this why?

I haven't read any of the so-fashionable zombie books. Maybe even some of them are really good, I wouldn't know. Just... the topic is as uninteresting to me as spoiled food.

But another thing there made me laugh, as well. Another parody... "fifity Shades of Earl Grey Tea". Now that was good.... Ok, I admit, I haven't read the origional. I may someday.
Friday, June 8th, 2012
3:12 am
The last few weeks have been... a challenge. But not all of it has been bad. At all.

There are things I see, sometimes. Concepts that are just.. dangled barely out of reach, but so beautiful.

Seeing the multiverse as maybe it is constructed, or as close to the approximation as I might be able to get any hold on, or recall as the images fly by..... tesselations within tesselations, fractles within fractiles, tilings.. all joining, conjoining, swirling in very specific and meaningful dance that is... beyond.

And it is beautiful. So beautiful.

I feel blessed.

MAry

public post
Thursday, April 12th, 2012
7:45 pm
Spirit worlds
The spirit worlds are all around us, concurrent with our own reality, interstecting ours. This is layer upon layer, and extreemly complex.

It is just as mysterious as life itself is, and indeed is Life in a bigger sense of the word than I was ever brought up to think of it as.

It goes way beyond what our science can at this time describe. That doesn't mean that science isn't going to do some catching up, but that there wil be lots of suprises waiting as we get there.

Can I prove what I'm saying.. by scientific method? Not yet. Like I say, science has to grow up a lot to get to where it can accurately measure this sort of stuff. It will come in it's own time.

That's my set of personal beliefs. take it as you will.

Public post.
Tuesday, April 10th, 2012
5:53 pm
Do your muses or angels speak with you?
In various times of my life, I have come across people who hear their muses, their guardian angels, their spirit companions. People talk to me because they know I am not going to tell them they are nuts. In my opinion and experience, the characters who are alive in our media all came from *somewhere*, the good the bad , the in between. Whether or not our written words or characterizations of them have "caught" the real idea of who they are, what their motives are, their hopes and dreams, they were "inspired". In-spirit-ed.

And angels? Don't even get me started. Yes. Real. Extreemly so, and they don't neccessarily think they are too good for human company. Guardian angels in particular seem to be of course right there, and some are quite happy to carry on conversations and be freinds.

Why I am writing this public post is to reach out to others like me, others who might wish they could *find* folks like me who wont say they are just a bunch of nuts.

If we are nuts, then there are really a Lot of us out there.

I haven't worked out the screening thing for comments. So, please write to me instead. I would wait until I got the screening thing perfect to keep your comments invisible and protect your privacy, but it could take a while. I want this message to get out there to you *now*. If you don't mind others reading your comments, go ahead and comment publicly. But what a person writes to me will be kept private.

I'll be here. Hope to hear from you.
Friday, April 6th, 2012
12:38 am
Songwriting method
Who, me? Write a public post? I guess there is always a first.

I was chatting with a freind, and got onto the topic of how I write my songs. She suggested I post it, in case someone else would be curious. It's a longshot, but why not?


So, here I am. I just am warming up my fingers, noodling around on my guitar before starting to really play. A pattern of chords, a rythem, a pattern starts to take shape. I let it slip around and modulate however it will. If nothing repeats or catches on my hook, that's ok. But often enough it does, and some melody, then alternate melodies come around.

Then I just sorta flow into the song for a while. I will happily become fairly oblivious to the rest of the world. It is best that I work in silence with no voices or human interruptions. If I do get bothered.. I lose the song. I am... shall we say a bit crabby if this happens? So I avoid working when others are around.

Song writing, at this stage, is like a trance, and I don't think it is healthy for either me nor anyone else to be jogged out of it abruptly.

Then, when the fledgling song is sorta sunk into me firmly enough so I can go elsewhere, musically, I play something else. Or several something elses. I get some good work done on songs I know, in technique, in vocal practice - whatever works. Then I go back to the song. Somethings may change or drift about. If I have been on the ball, I will have a pen and paper with me, and will about now start writing down chords and progressions that have decided to be kept. Remembering them now does not mean I will recall them tomorrow if I don't have a cheat sheet.

This back and forth between writing and playing other stuff keeps going, and hopefully some lyrical ideas will hop in and volunteer themselves. Often they do it when I am "rehearsing" and "playing" the song in my mind, when I don't have the guitar handy. The best ones always do this sort of thing- they stick in my head for days or weeks, and refuse to let go until I find those right words, pen them down, and glue them together with the music.

Then sand, varnish. Paint. Repaint. SOme songs take minutes. SOme take years.

Please feel free to make comments. I like to meet people.
Monday, October 4th, 2010
10:25 am
Surgury
I am having cataract surgury on my right eye tomarrow. Wish me luck! :D
Friday, September 24th, 2010
9:34 am
My husband Pat is a *very* smart man ;). Avoiding the question of "do you like it", about my hair altogether.. (yeah, I was trying to avoid that too..) he looked at me the next day and asked, "Who are you? What were you doing in my bed? When my wife finds out, she is going to be *mad*!". Gotta love that guy. :)

Spent a lot of yesterday running around doing errends with a friend. We sw a neat bumper sticker... USMC.. America's 911. She commented.. I admire the marine core. Esp when they take off thier shirts.

:)

I like her perspective on *that*!!! :D
Tuesday, September 21st, 2010
7:52 pm
I have many many regrets n this life. things I have done, things I haven't done. Major screw ups.

I don't know how to change the past. I have been forgiven for so much of it.I have been *very* **very** fortunate.

however, sometimes I just get fed up. And so, I decided to change something i *could* change. Something very minor, indeed.. but oh so satisfying. nothing earth-shattering or healing to those who I have wounded, unfortunately. but hey... it was something that could be done.

Wendy and I went out and had my hair coloured. She has been after me for a couple of years to do that. So...

It sure turned out strange... an odd shade of strawberry blonde. And I *do* mean strawbery! I am no longer a greying mouse. the grey parts happily turned into delicate little blonde streaks, and are now cute. the rest.. just stange, in my opiion. bu that's ok. It is changeable.

Now, how to take control and change things that are in thepast? things that are now seem unsurmountable. Wish me luck. I have hurt far far too many of those I love. And too many times.
Thursday, September 16th, 2010
9:46 am
Moonlight
Moonlight



It will not hurt me when I am old
A running tide where moonlight burned
Will not sting me like silver snakes,
The years will make me sad and cold
It is the happy heart that breaks.


The heart asks more than life can give
When that is learned, then all is learned;
The waves break fold on jeweled fold,
But beauty itself is fugitive,
It will not hurt me when I am old




By Sarah Teasdale

.................................

Sarah Teasdale killed herself after the poet she loved died. He could not return her love since he loved only men. My husband loves me just fine, and I will not do as she did... but I can understand how she felt....

Wish me a happy birthday gang. Today I turn 50.

And yeah, Moonlight still burns.

Be interesting to see who reads this.
Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010
9:47 am
I know, I almost never post. that's becaus I know ahead of time I'm going to just babble. So.. babble warning!

The other day my husband and I got to go to the zoo.. oh I do love to go to zoos! Yes, it's sad that they are in cages, but so much animal and plant consevation goes on there.....

That being said, it was some of the true wildlife that made hits. And some suprisingly tame life. ;)

Pat and i were innocently in line to have lunch when 3 wild ducks dive-bombed us. they missed my head by about a foot it seemed... and since I am in a chair, Pat just must have moved fast. I mean.. *duck* on multiple levels ;)


Then, while we were eating, a Canadian goose sorta strolls by inquiring politely if we happened to have anything for it? Looked me right in the eyes, face to face sorta.. I swear this critter had intelligence, and understood what I said. I told it I didn't know what was healthy for Geese to eat, and I didn't think what I had wouldbe good for it, so I was not going to share. it took no offence.

Then, the *very* best bit of all the day.. Pat didn't hear me when I told him *not* to take me into this bird avaiary that offered to let you feed the birds. Me? Birds *that* close.. yikes! I mean, putting something on the ground in one thing.. but this was hand-feeding. I am afraid of birds, and these were not tiny.

But I changed my mind for some reason once I was in there. He must have known I would. Soon I had two birds going birdie-birdie walk on my hand and arm, and they were both *very* careful with thier claws. No pecking of me. We had a good chat, and they had a good snack. Rainbow liricheep or something like that. Very vivid coloured birds.

So strange for me to feel that happy with *birds* of all things! But it was way cool.
Saturday, October 10th, 2009
11:04 pm
What a day....
Well, at least the the ER was slow today, we got out of there in record time.

We were in a three-car accident... our poor new car is not quite so new now.We were the lead car.. stopped at a light, when we got rear ended. Then we got it again. Feel sorry for the guy in the middle.. there was a.. um, bad driver behind him who caused the whole mess.. then took off from the scene. However, the car in front of us took out after *him*, and got a good physical description.. and the bad driver had the bad (for him) misfortune of leaving his front plate embedded in the middle car. The rear car was a big van.. of course. The guy in the middle had the smallest vehickle, and he was *hurt*... howling in pain... I worry about him. poor guy. Ems response was quick.

And they got the guy, if our info is right :D

I am almost wishing I had not said that I was ok so soon.. I hurt. but my husband.. I am very glad he went ahead and accepted ems help. I am concerned about him, but I would be border terrified if he had not been checked out and sent home. He has whiplash.. bad enough.. but other than that (as far as we know), he is ok.

We are very fortunate. Our car had stuff in it, that had it not been packed so well, might have hit our rear passenger. She got scared, but that was the main thing.

She seems more concerned about us. Bless her :) (This is so typical of Carol it could be her middle name!)

If there is anything new important to post, I will. other than that.. I think I see a lot of napping in my near future.. as in, in a few minutes, and most of tomarrow!
Wednesday, September 16th, 2009
9:07 am
Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeee :)!
Thursday, September 10th, 2009
12:32 pm
Congradultions, it's a duck.
My worst fear this morning,going in to the psych's office to see if I would or would not get a diagnosis of OCD.. was that I'd be blown off, told just don't worry about that, let's go on as we have been.

My pleasant suprise was that Melissa totally ageed with me, supported me, and was *very* pleased with me for having started working on it already. *Whew*. At this point, there is no change in my meds.. just some change in the focus and methodology of how we proceed therapy-wise. Between the psych people I have helping, my husband and other family friends helping and rooting for me.. hard not to feel very well supported :) I am a fortunate person, indeed.

Oh, btw.. I am collecting duck jokes, so if you have any.. ;)

Current Mood: sleepy
Friday, September 4th, 2009
7:27 pm
Second session
Ok, well, today I saw Mike, my social worker, again. This time I didn't spent the entire time crying. I did a litle crying... mostly I just kept shaking from reaction and fear.

I brought in a list of things that were... in my life, or had been.. that were problems.. ocd type problems, things that needed working on, things I needed another's viewpont on.. things I just plain old needed someone to *hear* who knew the right way to listen.

I feel emotionally pummled. This is probably good.. also physically sick, but that may well not be from the session.. have other things going on.

Yesterday I had the very good fortune to be in a YIM chat with someone who gave me some of the best hopeful and useful recommendations and good advice. Meanwhile, I was selfish, whiney, grumpy, and just a regular.. um, person you don't really want to be bothered with. I am hoping that individual reads this, and knows my appology. I really don't know how much better I will be in the future if they chat with me again.. but I am grateful for the time already spent on me, and the effort. I am overwhelmed.. so much to do right now. Hopefully, I will get a handle on it. (gotta start somewhere, right?)

Current Mood: lonely
Tuesday, August 25th, 2009
2:19 pm
I feel full of possibilities, as if i could do anything. Full of ideas...


My body, however, feels like going back to bed.... welcome to my life.. ;)


This post is a bit of an experiment. I've been playing with settings. if you get this post, please post a comment, ok? Just that you got it would be great :)


Thanks.
Tuesday, November 18th, 2008
8:04 pm
sorry for triple post
It has just been so long sinfe I have done much posting I got myself confused as how to post to the special list just for hatching eggs. Please forgive my redundancy.

Current Mood: embarassed
7:17 pm
Adopt one today!

Please go there and click on my egg so my dragon doesn't die!
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